iSam Says
by constellationgazer
Summary: Everything Sam ever says to Freddie, from iPilot all the way to iGoodbye, taken from a different point of view. A collection of short little stories dedicated to the Seddie relationship.
1. Hey! You invited the doof!

**Author's Note:**

**So recently I've been hooked onto iCarly after I watched it for the first time. A little late, but better late than never right?**

**Each chapter of this story will feature one sentence that Sam says to Freddie throughout the series, but under a different circumstance. This fic will follow the chronological order of Sam's dialogues, and will be Seddie themed. The quote can be found in the title of the chapter, and will appear somewhere in the corresponding oneshot.**

**The quotes will be taken out of the original context and can apply to anything that I feel like applying it to xD**

**If you don't really understand what I'm saying because I've done a whack job of explaining it, read this first chapter and hopefully it'll clear everything up. **

**Please let me know what you think of this idea! **

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_Disclaimer: iCarly belongs to Dan Schneider. All characters below don't belong to me. _

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_**"Hey! You invited the doof!" **_

* * *

"Carlayyyyyy! It's an emergency!"

Spencer ran out of his bathroom in just a towel, clutching onto a live duck with his spare hand.

"What is it this time Spencer?" Carly sighed, tired of her elder brother's antics.

"Where did all the liquid soap go? Mr Ducky McDucks can't stay in the bath much longer, his skin will prune up!"

Carly rolled her eyes in exasperation and slowly turned to face her brother.

"For the last time Spencer, your rubber duck is not...AH!"

Spencer whipped his head around so fast that the duck let out an indignant quack.

"What? Who's there! Is it Chuck? Shield me!"

"SPENCER!" Carly screeched. "What is a live duck doing in our apartment?"

"Oh Mr Ducky McDucks was in this really big puddle of water and he was all alone and he looked like he had been in there for a really..."

"SPENCER!" Carly interrupted. "That big puddle of water is a pond! Ducks live in the pond! Why did you...uggghhh Spencer just take him back where you found him right now!"

"Oh. Well then."

The front door banged wide open and a blonde-headed carnivore stalked in.

"Hey Shays!"

Sam threw her backpack onto the couch and headed straight for the fridge.

"Whoa Spence. Are you holding our dinner?"

"SAM!" Two voices shouted simultaneously.

Carly glared at her brother.

"As a matter of fact, Spencer was just going to bring the duck home. Right?"

Spencer cowered under her glare and headed back into the bathroom. Within half a minute, he was back and out the door before Carly could protest.

"Spencer you can't go out in just your tow-aaaaand he's gone."

Carly walked over to the kitchen and began poking her head around the fridge, looking for some lemonade.

The door opened again.

"Spencer how many times have I told you to put on your clothes before-oh hey Freddie."

"Hola mi amiga, y mi novia."

Sam looked up from the ham she was currently wolfing down and turned to Carly.

**"Hey! You invited the doof!"**

"Sam! This _doof _happens to be your boyfriend."

Sam scoffed.

"Yeah but he's still a nub. I thought you said that it was just going to you and me for this Celebrities Underwater marathon?"

Carly shook her head. Now that Freddie and Sam were dating, you'd think they'd stop making fun of each other, but it seemed like their mocking had only intensified. Their ways of showing affection were pretty bizarre.

"You and Freddie are pretty much a package deal these days, so I assumed that he was invited too."

"Hmph. Fine. I guess he can stay."

Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Why thank you for your generosity, Princess Puckett."

He plopped down on the couch, situating himself in the seat nearest to the door. He picked up the remote and switched on the television, showing the opening credits of the new Celebrities Underwater episode.

"Guys it's starting!"

Both Carly and Sam ran over, with Sam sitting in the middle of the two.

As the show progressed and another celebrity stepped up and jumped into the pool, Freddie screamed.

"Holy Nug Nug! That's Victoria Justice! Man, look at those cheekbones!"

As Freddie continued to stare fixated at the screen, Sam pouted and stood up, heading to the kitchen.

Carly slid over slightly and elbowed Freddie in the gut, causing him to let out a yelp of pain. Frantically, Carly gestured at Sam, who was now using a large spoon to scoop out some ice cream straight from the tub.

Freddie's eyes softened and he walked over to where his pouting girlfriend stood.

"Aww Sam. You know I love you."

"No I don't. I don't have her brunette hair. I don't wear skirts. I don't have those cute cheekbones. She's taller than me, skinnier than me and have I mentioned those cheekbones?"

Freddie wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head.

"Sam, listen to me. You're perfect the way you are. Besides, you have one thing that she doesn't have."

Sam looked up from her ice cream.

"And what's that?"

Freddie chuckled and tilted her chin up so that their lips could meet.

"You have me."

The door swung wide open and Spencer rushed in, still in a towel and a duck still in his possession.

"Oh hey Carly, and Sam and Fre-oh my god what are they doing. Mr Ducky McDucks' eyes. I've got to go wash them with soap. _Liquid_ soap."

Sam and Freddie broke apart and stared at the sculptor while Carly jumped up from the couch and ran after her insane brother.

"No Spencer don't do that you'll hurt his eyes! Come back here!"

Sam and Freddie shrugged and went right back to locking their lips together, both of them smiling into their kiss.

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**So what did you all think? Please read and review :) **

**If you have any suggestions for other scenarios that this quote can be used in, let me know. I do take requests and one quote is not limited to only one chapter.**

**Much love!**


	2. She I'm a she, Freddie, as in girl

**Author's Note:**

**Yay for efficiency and positive responses. So I've decided to go ahead with the second quote from the show. I'm hoping this story will slowly gather more readers and enthusiastic responses.**

**I would've gotten this chapter up earlier, but jetlag is making me feel very blech. **

**Please read and review. More reviews make me happy :D I vant more interest xD**

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_Disclaimer: iCarly does not belong to me, unfortunately._

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_**"She. I'm a she, Freddie, as in girl."**_

* * *

"Have you seen Sam?" Freddie asked as he rushed into the Shays' apartment.

Carly tore her eyes away from the tv.

"No I haven't. What did she do this time?"

"It wasn't what she did. It was what I said to her."

Freddie slumped onto the couch, defeated. He put his arm over his eyes and sighed dramatically.

Carly walked over to the fridge and brought out a pitcher of her special lemonade. She set it down on the wooden coffee table in front of Freddie and sat down next to him.

"Talk."

She got herself comfortable as Freddie launched into what had happened. Knowing how dysfunctional a couple Sam and Freddie could be, this was going to take a while.

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Freddie set out the blanket under the shade of a giant tree right in the centre of the park. Opening the basket, he removed the contents._

_One rack of ribs. One 16 oz steak. Ten chicken drumsticks. Two large bacon-flavored smoothies. One piece of Galini's coconut cream pie. _

_Perfect. This was going to be their best outing yet. _

_He settled his back against the trunk and closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of fresh dew. He sighed contentedly and settled down, closing his eyes. _

_All of a sudden he felt a sharp tingle of pain on his thighs and his eyes snapped open._

_"Ow!"_

_The object in question hissed, rather furiously, at Freddie. _

_"What is THAT? Sam you knew THAT isn't welcome."_

_Sam's eyes hardened._

_"I told you I was going to be bringing a guest."_

_"That THING is not a guest."_

_Sam gently picked the cat up and used one of her hands to lift up a paw._

_**"She. I'm a she, Freddie, as in girl."** Sam mimicked._

_"Oh come on. Of all people, or rather things, why would you bring Frothy with you?"_

_"Because I thought you knew me well enough to know that Frothy happens to be important in my life, and apparently I've just learnt that she's the only one I can count on to not hurt my feelings." _

_Sam stomped off in a huff with Frothy still baring her teeth at Freddie._

_Freddie sat there in a daze for a long time, staring off in the direction that Sam had gone._

_"What just happened?" He asked himself._

_End Flashback_

* * *

"She left with Frothy and I haven't seen her since. I've been to the Groovy Smoothie, Pini's, Gallini's, the fire escape, and almost everywhere in Seattle but I haven't been able to find her."

Carly shook her head in desperation.

"Oy, you guys fight about the strangest things."

"So what should I do?"

"I don't know, maybe say you're sorry?"

"But I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Freddie, haven't you been in a relationship with Sam long enough to know that you should always be the one to apologize?"

"But I don't know why she's been acting this way. It's very unlike Sam."

"She must be having mood swings. Go find her and fix things."

"I've tried looking for her everywhere. I don't even know how she ran that fast, considering the condition that she's in."

Carly flicked him on the forehead.

"Honestly I don't know how you were valedictorian. Have you checked your house?"

Freddie looked stunned for a moment.

"Right."

He bolted out of the apartment and Carly heard a faint thank you coming from down the hallway.

Carly just sighed in amusement.

"You'd think after being married for a year and with Sam having a baby on the way, Freddie would finally remember that they are living in the same house now."


	3. Oooohhhh

**Author's Note:**

**Yay more reviews :D Can I be greedy and ask for even more? I can see page views you know xD 360 views and only 6 reviews? Hmm the percentage is a little small :( **

**So let's aim for more :)))**

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_Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, sadly._

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**_"Oooohhhh."_**

* * *

Freddie Benson hurried through the halls of Ridgeway High, his head immersed in the thick volume of his History textbook. The bell had just rung and he grasped at the last few minutes of revision time just in case Ms Ackerman gave them a pop quiz.

He took a left, and then a right, cutting corners dangerously close to the edges of the lockers while furiously mumbling to himself.

_Come on Benson, think. Fourteenth president of the United States...what was it what was it...oh right it was Fr-_

Freddie collided with something and fell forwards, his books scattering around him.

He pushed himself up and realized that he had crashed into another student running in the hallways.

"Hey! No running in the halls! Why don't you watch where you-"

His sentence was cut off as he got a good look at exactly who he had knocked over in his haste to get to class.

**Jocelyn.**

_Oh man this is bad,_ Freddie thought.

The bully got up from the ground and glared at Freddie while her cronies gathered around.

"I'm sorry...I'll just be going n-Ah!"

In less than a second Jocelyn and her gang had pushed him to the ground.

Freddie found himself protecting his face and curling up into a ball as the gang pinched, punched and pulled at his skin and clothes.

"He's nearly unconscious Joce. Let's go!" One of the girls, probably one of the newer ones indicted into the gang, nervously said.

Jocelyn reluctantly got up after landing a few good punches onto his face and abdomen.

"You got off lucky this time Benson. The next time you run into me in the hallway, you'll wish you iCarlies never messed with me."

Freddie whimpered.

"Let's go girls! And for the last time Anna, no one calls me Joce unless they want their heads ripped off!"

Freddie heard their laughs fade away and their footsteps subside.

Painfully, he pushed himself up to sitting position and tried to clear the throbbing in his head. Picking up all his fallen books, he slowly limped to class.

He pushed the door open and was greeted by a loud roar of noise. A quick glance revealed that Ms Ackerman had called in sick, again, to spend more time with Spencer.

The students turned as he stepped into the classroom and almost immediately a hush of silence blanketed the room.

"Oh hey guys, what's up?" Freddie waved weakly.

His classmates stared as he walked to his desk next to Sam and collapsed onto it, burying his face into his arms.

He remained motionless for a few minutes and gradually the sound returned to the classroom. The bell rang a few minutes later and the students emptied out of the classroom.

He slowly lifted his head up and saw Sam watching him.

_**"Oooohhhh."** _Sam commented with a wince.

"What?" Freddie snapped, before burrowing into his arms again.

"Whoever it was really packed a good punch. You've got yourself a real shiner there. Your mum's going to freak."

"Yeah well all this just because I unintentionally bumped into someone running in the hallway. Running. Can you believe the nerve of her? I bumped into her while she was breaking the school rules and she beats me up? I mean what world are we in?"

"So...who do I need to give a medal to for beating up the nub?"

"Jocelyn. Why don't you go think up new ways to torture me together while you're at it?"

"You know, that's not such a bad idea."

Freddie heard a scrape of a chair as Sam stood up and left the classroom for lunch break.

He lay his head on the table for a couple more minutes before getting up and leaving for the nurse's office. It would do him well to get patched up and to swallow some aspirin into his system. His head was really killing him.

He explained the story to the nurse, who promised that Principal Franklin would be dishing out the appropriate punishment to Jocelyn.

As he left the nurse's office, he saw Jocelyn's unmistakable figure walking towards him and panicked, almost turning away and hightailing in the opposite direction before noticing something peculiar.

The bully was walking with a limp and there was a smaller figure next to her. Jocelyn's head was bent down at a very awkward angle.

As they came closer, Freddie couldn't help the grin that appeared across his face.

Sam was pulling the ear of the bully, who now had bruises all over her face and one very very black eye. Jocelyn's clothes were all torn and rumpled up and in the other hand of Sam was her famous butter sock.

They stopped in front of him and Freddie had to wince a little at the glare that the bully was now shooting him.

"Apologize."

Sam wrapped her fingers around Jocelyn's neck and squeezed, hard.

"I said apologize to him now!"

"Okay okay. Geez. I'm sorry Benson."

Sam tightened her grip on the bully's neck again.

"Ow-okay. It won't happen again Benson, I swear."

Sam opened the door to the nurse's office and gestured for Jocelyn to enter.

"Thank you Jocelyn. It wasn't that hard to apologize to Freddie, now, was it? Run along now." She asked in a nauseatingly sweet voice.

The bully limped into the room as fast as her injuries would allow her.

Sam turned to Freddie as the door closed.

"You feeling better, Frednub?"

It was nice to know that deep down, beneath all that tough Puckett exterior lay the heart of a girl who truly cared for her friends.

Freddie grinned.

"Much better, Sam, much better."

"Good. Now wipe that smirk off your face Benson, before I do it for you."


	4. You mean I can't play

**Author's Note:**

**Yay even more reviews :D Averaging about 3.33333 reviews per chapter :) Me gusta!**

**School's starting really soon so I apologize in advance for delayed updates but I'll try my best either way to get things moving :) **

**Just keep up the reviewin' and I'll keep up with the typin'. **

**This chapter is going to be something a little different and the timeline doesn't happen during the show. **

**Hope you all like it! **

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_Disclaimer: I feel like this isn't necessary every time but sigh. I don't own iCarly. Way to rub it in._

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_**"You mean I can't play with the white balance on your superdy-duperdy camcorder?!"**_

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It was right after winter break and the snow was still falling steadily outside the cozy pre-school. Christmas had just past and many children were outside flinging snowballs at each other while the teachers tried to keep a level of order amidst the chaos.

A 5-year old Freddie Benson sat in the classroom during playtime, huddled in a corner fiddling with his camcorder. He had sneaked it out of his house, after his mother had insisted that the camcorder was too dangerous and his poor Freddie-kins could get electrocuted from using it. Freddie had swiped it from the drawer in his mother's bedroom this morning before breakfast and hastily stuffed it into his tiny backpack.

Now he sat on the carpeted floor, trying to insert the battery.

Show and tell was right after playtime, and he had to ensure that his bestest Christmas gift was ready for action.

After he had successfully started up the camcorder, he sighed in satisfaction and leaned against the wall, admiring the newest GX model that he held carefully in his hands.

A cold gust of air swept in as the door opened and a blonde-haired little girl trudged in, her boots caked with snow. She waved her hair around and Freddie had to shield himself from the droplets of water that flew off the tangled mess.

"Sam! You're getting your water all over my camcorder!"

Sam Puckett glared at him and removed her coat before throwing it over her backpack.

As the rest of the children swarmed inside and got settled down, Freddie bounced excitedly from his spot at the front of the classroom.

"So who would like to go first for show and tell today?"

"ME! ME! ME!" Freddie frantically waved his hands around.

"Alright Freddie," Ms Simms chuckled, "looks like you're up first."

Freddie got up to the front of the classroom and lifted up the camcorder.

"This is my new camcorder," Freddie proudly exclaimed, "I got it from my Secret Santa during Christmas!"

"Oooooooohhhh," the class collectively stared, in awe at the unfamiliar gadget.

Freddie began rambling on and on about what it could do and the rest of the class listened, fascinated.

After, Freddie allowed his classmates to touch his beloved present.

When it got to Sam's turn, she started fiddling around with the camcorder.

"Hey! Get off!"

_**"You mean I can't play with the white balance on your superdy-duperdy camcorder?!"**_

"No, you can't! You'll turn people magenta!"

"No I won't. You're just being dumb!"

"No I'm not! You're the dumb one! I bet you didn't get a cool gift from your Secret Santa, and you're just jealous I got one from someone who actually cares about me."

Sam gasped in outrage, as did their teacher.

"Freddie! How could you say that? Get over to the corner right now. You're getting a time out! You are too, Sam! We do not call each other names in this classroom."

Sam shot a glare at Freddie and trudged over to the corner before sitting on the little blue stool, crossing her arms and huffing indignantly.

"Freddie, come with me."

A guilty looking Freddie followed Ms Simms out into the hallway. Ms Simms shut the door to the classroom and motioned for Freddie to follow her into her office.

Freddie leapt up into the chair in front of a desk, his tiny legs swinging as he stared guiltily at Ms Simms.

"Freddie, normally I would not do such a thing, but do you know who your Secret Santa was?"

Freddie shook his head and stared with wide eyes at Ms Simms.

"I didn't think so. Freddie, your Secret Santa was Sam. She gave you the camcorder. She knew that you loved technology, and so she asked me for advice about what to get you. She was planning on getting you the camcorder anyway. I merely brought her to the mall."

Freddie sat unmoving for a really long time.

"Do you understand, Freddie? Do you understand how much you've hurt her?"

Freddie felt tears fill his eyes and slowly nodded his head.

"Good," Ms Simms said, handing him a piece of tissue, "let's go apologize to Sam."

Freddie walked with Ms Simms back to the classroom and immediately headed over to Sam.

He tapped her on her back and offered the camcorder to her with a smile.

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes not daring to look at the little girl in front of him.

Sam grinned.

"Don't worry about it nub. Just make sure the next time I play with your camcorder, you won't object."

Freddie felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders and he smiled widely.

"You got it, Puckett."

* * *

_20 years later:_

Sam fiddled with one of the camcorders at the back of the church.

Her best friend Carly was dressed in a beautiful dress that hugged her figure perfectly and showed off all her curves.

"Sam what are you doing? This wedding has to be perfect!"

Sam laughed.

"Chill Carls. It will be. How can it not when the reception has 25 different types of ham?"

Carly shook her head in amusement.

"I don't know why I let you pick the food menu on arguably the most important day of my life. And stop messing around with the camcorder! Freddie's going to have an aneurysm."

"Geez Carls. You'd think that you were getting married today instead of me. Besides, Freddie promised me that he wouldn't object to my playing with his camcorder."

"Sam I'm pretty sure that was 20 years ago. Besides, I don't think he meant that you could play with his camcorder twenty minutes before you became Mrs Benson."

Sam shuddered.

"Seriously Carls, never, and I repeat, NEVER, call me that again."

Freddie walked out to do some last minute checks and Carly nearly fainted.

"Freddie you're not supposed to see the bride."

"Carls, you know Freddie and I aren't going to believe any of that superstitious chiz," Sam said while giving her fiancé a kiss.

"What are you guys doing here?" Freddie asked.

"Nothing," Sam quickly replied.

Freddie turned knowingly to Carly and Carly puffed out her cheeks in an attempt to keep a secret.

"Sam was messing with your camcorder!"

"Aw geez way to blow it Carly!"

Carly squeaked.

"I'm sorry! You know I'm terrible at keeping secrets."

Freddie turned to Sam.

"Aw come on Sam! I told you not to mess with my AV equipment."

_**"You mean I can't play with the white balance on your superdy-duperdy camcorder?!"**_

Freddie rolled his eyes, but reached his arm around Sam and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her closer.

"You don't want our wedding tape to show us looking like aliens with magenta skin do you?"

Sam pouted.

"No."

Freddie laughed and gave her a kiss.

"Good. Now go around to the back where Spencer is waiting before my mother sees you. She'll have a heart attack if she knows that you and I saw each other before the wedding."

Sam and Carly darted around the corner as they heard Mrs Benson's footsteps echoing closer.

"Freddy-bear! You're getting married today! Come here! Did you wear your lucky Nug-Nug boxers today? I sanitized them four times yesterday!"

"MUM!"

Carly stifled her giggles behind her hand and Sam rolled her eyes, albeit with a small smile on her face.

"I'm getting married to a total nub. Oh joy."


End file.
